Duh...Peanuts are for Puppies!

     And by puppies I mean me.  So what if I'm almost 13 years old, I can still out run any human, which means I can call myself a puppy!  While everyone was busy celebrating Christmas and New Years, I was protecting the peanuts...let me assure you, not one human was able to get one peanut while I was on duty!

 And speaking of being on duty...I was, 24/7 and this time I wasn't patrolling the vermin outside the manse, but the ones inside!  Take a look at this, while my back was turned for one second, the littlest human made a bee-line for my bowl...she almost got away with some of my choice kibble and bits but was saved by the human just in time...let me rephrase...she was saved just as I was about to gnaw off a piece of her chubby little leg!

 

It's been non-stop around here for weeks but finally, all the falderal has ended and the little humans returned from where they came and I am once again in charge!  All Hail Caesar, The Mighty King!

 

My eyes look scary don't they...well they ARE scary!  Hahahaha, oh kid, I crack myself up, the scariest thing about me is NOT my eyes...why don't you come over and stick your finger in front of me and I'll show you SCARY!   Okay kid, enough tom-foolery...time to get back out there...I have squirrels to catch and cats to chase!  But before I go, just remember this, 'cause it's as true blue as the sky...

DOG'S RULE!

 

Grrrrrrr...Happy Fall!

Hi Ya Kid!  Long time, no bark!  Listen, you know me, I'm busier than the fleas on my backside...just can't catch a break!  Patrolling the manse 24/7 against invading rodents is a full time job!   And believe you me, the Human is no help on this front!  Not once has she offered to go on patrol with me!  But do not worry about me kid, I'm tough as a petrified Snausage, and lately I've had more pressing issues than rodents!  Let me show you...

Take a gander Kid, that's my niece above...Elsa Kate...and while she may look harmless, I assure you, she is NOT!  First of all, when she came to visit, she was crawling around on all fours - trying to imitate yours truly...obviously she admires me greatly.  And at first, I thought the little creature was A-O-K...but then, then my friend, she did the unspeakable!  She was caught RED-HANDED trying to steal my Snausages!!  And just look at that face!  Oh sure, she may look innocent but if the Human hadn't intervened when she did I would have had to lop off a few digits just to remind her who's boss around here!  Crawling into my territory is one thing...but stealing Snausages just ain't Kosher!

 

And as you may remember, when my niece and nephew come to visit, who is it that is sent to the Dog House?!?  Yes, Yours Truly!  Those two get away with MURDER and I get banished!   Oh well, such is the life of a guard dog!

 Now kid, don't get me wrong, it ain't all bad...once the niece left things got back to normal  - the Human was back to mauling me, telling me how precious I am, how much she loves me, blah, blah, blah...and a well placed snarl from me let her know I am only willing to tolerate so much!  She apologized by letting me have one of her Halloween quilts...and then, because she is human and doesn't fully understand the laws of nature...she tried to take it back...Hahahahaha...as if that was possible!  No one touches my quilts...NO ONE!

Alright kid - time for me to take a little siesta before the next monsoon arrives.  Thanks for checking in, and remember this, 'cause it's truer than the Bible at a revival...DOG'S RULE!

Binky Snatcher...

Yo Kid!  What a week I'm having!  The manse has been taken over by little humans...running amok, destroying the peace, and I don't mind telling you I've been a bit on edge about it all!  How's a dog supposed to get any shut-eye?!?  Take a look at this picture...it's Baby Elsa...she tries her best to grab my tail, too bad I'm super fast and she's not!

 The girl can sport a doo-rag, no?  And she is cute, I'll give her that, but kid, she's always after me!  And she's got this blue thing the human calls a binky that's usually in her mouth...so I figured it must be good since she's always sucking on it...I watched and waited patiently, which, as you know, is my specialty...and when opportunity knocked...I was ready!

 Baby Elsa spit out her binky and I grabbed it!  Finders keepers, Losers weepers!  Am I wrong or am I right!  You're darn tootin' I'm right!  But I've got to tell you kid, the blue binky was nothing special...it did not have a particularly good taste but what the heck, I was not about to give it up until I got something in return!

The human tried and tried to yank it from my death-like grip...what a waste of time...I listened to her plead, and beg but I held my ground...even threw in a few growls for effect - I knew the shine from my pearly whites would eventually cause her to cave and rethink her position...and sure enough, just when I was about to take pity on the human and let her have it, she said, "Do you want a treat?"  BaZing!  And that kid, is called Canine Negotiation!   Of course, it helps to have razor-sharp teeth when negotiating with a human who has a giant yellow-streak down her spine! 

Okay kid, time to head out to the back 40...I've worked up a yen for some squirrel pie...but before I go there's just one thing you need to know, and I'd risk my entire vat of Snausages if you would just get this through your thick human skull...DOG'S RULE!

Dog Days of Summer

Hey kid!  How's it waggin'?  I don't mind telling you that I'm enjoying my summer duties...sitting on the deck - "patrolling" for squirrels.  I appear to be half asleep, no?  That's the secret to my success...I may look like I'm resting but let me assure you, I am on FULL-ALERT at all times!  Don't ever think you can sneak up on me because I'll have your ankle between my canines in a New York second!  Speaking of canines...a new one moved in next door...he's all BARK and no bite - what's with that?!?!  I say if you're going to get anywhere in this dog-eat-dog world that you need both a bark and a bite...works for me!  The new pup is some giant beast...a yellow lab named Duke...I just call him Puke...but kid, only someone as ferocious as me can get away with calling a bigger dog a name, I would not suggest you try it!

Okay, must get back to work...I've got to pretend to sleep for at least another two hours before the humans get home and disrupt my routine...but remember this kid, 'cause it's the truth no matter how you slice it...DOG'S RULE!